| blessings |
[30 Apr 2007|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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I saw a man outside my building today in a wheelchair. Before I realized that he was there, I was hurting. My calves, my shins, my quads, my sides of my legs that I'm not even sure what those muscles were called. Don't get me wrong, I never complain about the pain; I love it, I relish it. It's the tangible feeling of growth, of progress. I lifted, and ran, over the weekend and my body was repairing itself. This was a reminder that things weren't that bad. It reinforced the notion that self-pity and loathing was just that.....inconsequential. Now if I could only overcome this overwhelming disconnect I feel with all those close to me, I might actually feel better. I just don't know how to say "S.O.S" Hell, I don't even know what that means....
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[30 Apr 2007|01:01am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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Mojave 3 - Ask me Tomorrow |
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I don't feel like writing but in the spirit of documentation, I'll keep this quick:
Woke up late. Mornings are the worst....I honestly think that my subconsciousness is my own worst enemy. It likes to play the "Let's explore every possible scenario of your fucked-up situation" game in the transitory moments between the already taunting dreams and the hard slap of reality that things are just as they were the day before. The moment of clarity, the true turn from dream-state to full consciousness is akin to being woken up with a medicine bag on your chest. That realization can be exhausting, hence the delayed rising...got the fuck out of the house, had brunch at the Galaxy hut. Luckily the food came rather quick saving me from really "reading" the newest edition of On Tap magazine. They really have the best Mimosas there, by the way. Went and finished laundry, and drove to Guitar Center with the purpose of getting new synth and drum machine software for my studio only to realize that I could probably just "download" what I need. While I was there I remembered why I would never want to work retail again. Came home found the torrents that I need, and decided that this would be a perfect time to run. Whoops, just remembered that I went to Tysons' corner looking for a Kensington Trackball at the apple store (been using one at work-they rock) to no avail, and ended up at the Express Store and bought a sweatshirt and longsleeve shirt for $30....score. Then it was time to run. Ran to the Whole Foods in Clarendon, bought water, ran back to the house. Right before the Clarendon Ballroom I discovered one of the elusive Pho noodle shop that "supposedly" resided in Arlington! My first inclination was to call the one I call "Angel." She would appreciate this information and get a kick out of it at the same time. But current circumstances prevented me from doing this. So instead I settled for a pale "btw" email. Fuck....Feeling claustrophobic I ran out to the red room to talk to Arnold. Things are actually looking pretty realistic that we might actually be able to pull off a reunion show. The tentative plan is to meet at the Cat before KG goes on stage at the Velvet Lounge to discuss logistics....BTW, I was going to make some witty link between TS Eliot's "Wasteland" poem and the whole growth of Lilacs out of the dead land with a reference to the growth of the Lotus flower out of the muck with the comparison of the I-ching symbol for liberation that SECOND THOUGHT used to use (in the taoist i-ching, liberation meant the turning of primordial energy to positive creative energy)...whatever, it's late, and SVU is on......
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| Ironic |
[28 Apr 2007|10:45pm] |
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mood |
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>_ |
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music |
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Imogen Heap |
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Highlights of the week: In Chronological order:
Starting new job at Henninger...again...my desk (I move from room to room, but essentially) consists of a Control | 24 console and and Pro Tools HD3 system with more plug-ins than I need (and I fully admit that I'm a plug-in whore) running on a Mac Pro with Blue Sky 5.1 Surround Monitors....it's good to be back.
Finding out the real reason why Deb left, or better still, why she left it up to me to leave, and then go on to give her advice on her love life....
Having to say a temporary goodbye to one of my favorite people in the world, while I heal....I don't know what's worse: the pain of rejection, or the exile...
Seeing Muse, although I gotta say, yeah it was nice to see them and they played great (sounded ok) but in that environment, it was give or take.... although they played everyone of my favorite songs, and no band has every done that for me before....and they made me cry, bastards! I thought it was supposed to be a rock concert>_<
Fuck....if next week is anything like this week, I'd better get off my ass and do laundry so at least I have clean underwear.
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| birth - Part 1 |
[05 Apr 2007|06:56pm] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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Rancid: And Out Come The Wolves |
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I was going to use this as my LJ bio but fuck it, I'll just turn this into my first real entry......
I was born during typhoon Rose on the Island of Hong Kong in the Summer of 1971. The storm knocked out power to the whole island and felled trees on the streets. Apparently my doctor almost didn't make it in time....at moments of grandeur I like to think that Nature was simply paying tribute to this supernatural lifeforce being thrust into this world like fuckin' mighty Odin at the moment of his birth, but then I take a nap and it passes...
The irony of being born to a caucassian father and an asian mother in the quintessential city of "East Meets West" did not escape me. In fact, this dichotomy of extremes will go on to shape me to this very day....I'd be the first to admit that it didn't "fit" at first. But like a pair of DMs, once they're broken in....butter. I revel in my hybridness now. A big FU goes out to all in the past who went out of their way to make sure to remind me that I wasn't like them....."I would line them up against the wall and do unto them as they have done"....actually I wouldn't, not worth the energy (I just wanted to quote that line :P) Of course, I realize now that no one is the same, we're just haf-asleep....
I romanticized the notion of being a writer, but I quickly realized that I had more fun smoking and drinking and discussing literature than actually writing it. It was really always music....ever since that first mix tape that I made from my sister's record collection: (side a) AC/DC - Back in Black (side b) Devo - Freedom of Choice....it makes perfect sense to me now....Music was escape, freedom, THERAPY, power, it was that proverbial "cape" that Henry Rollins talks about, the one you put in on in your room and sing along with Sabbath with your tennis racket. For me it was Priest, Maiden...and The Smiths(?).....the love of music led to the love of audio, or more specific, audio engineering.....(to be continued)
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| Waxing nostalgic - old SECOND THOUGHT lyrics... |
[09 Mar 2007|12:38am] |
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mood |
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nostalgic |
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music |
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Second Thought - The Corridor |
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The Corridor
I saw you again
Through my Dali-stained windows
In the corridors of glass
And neon painted floors.
You wore your dress like a flag,
You wore your dress like a flag.
There was no Time, no Distance,
No compass points of Glad and Sad.
The melancholy mind I held again,
You saved it for me after all this time...
You saved it for me after all this time.
What am I now ?
I wonder,
Was my self-amputation
All in vain?
Do I still exist?
In your corridors,
Of learned lesssons, and
Forgotten Mistakes?
I still wear my boots,
But I want to be a Revolutionary again.
I've stepped in sensibility,
But I can't seem to wipe it from my conscience....
Help me, Help me,
I'm numb,
I only feel what I've felt before,
I only feel what I've felt before.
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